Category Archives: Humor (?)

Lost in Lost (and a little bit late to the party)

Posted on by
Reply
In Season 4, Claire followed the ghost (?) of her father Christian Shephard into the jungle and left her infant son Aaron behind. What's become of her??

In Season 4, Claire Littleton followed the ghost (?) of her father Christian Shephard into the jungle and left her infant son Aaron behind. What’s become of her??

Sometimes I wake up at 3 a.m. and  I can’t stop thinking about them.

Is Claire dead?  Who will take care of her baby?

And what about Jack?  I am sick at the thought that he has become an alcoholic and prescription drug addict.

My heart breaks for Sawyer. On the inside, he is a little boy desperate for his dead mother’s love.  On the island, he finally found a family of sorts.  And now he believes they have all perished.

I am lost in Lost.

Thanks to Netflix, I no longer watch television; I binge.  Binge watching, I’ve learned, can take over my life in the same way that a really good book can. We could eat dinner at the table and talk to each other, but doesn’t it sound like more fun to set out the picnic blanket in the family room and watch Lost?

I know that Lost is yesterday’s news.  The hit sci-fi-ish drama set on a South Pacific island debuted in 2004 and concluded with its grand finale in 2010.  (I don’t know the ending, so please don’t tell me).  I know that Lost gets increasingly convoluted and far-fetched with each season.  I know that the story line includes all kinds of loose strands that dangle and go nowhere.  Like the numbers on Hurley’s winning lottery ticket.  Those numbers keep popping up in random places and for no reason.  They may never be explained.  I know all of this, and I’m still lost in Lost.

There's definitely a connection between Sawyer and Kate, but they both seem too emotionally crippled to work as a couple.

There’s definitely a connection between Sawyer and Kate, but they both seem too emotionally crippled to work as a couple.

As with any story, the characters are to blame.  I’ve become attached to them.  Sometimes I dream about these people.  I know them well, but they remain mysterious.

Kate is strong and independent, but emotionally crippled.  Will she ever be able to sustain a relationship?  And with whom will she end up, Dr. Jack Shephard (who has his own issues), or former con artist James “Sawyer” Freeman? I can see why she has a powerful attraction to Sawyer, but I don’t see them lasting.  I hope she’ll give Jack another chance, if he conquers his demons.

Even before I knew he was the leader of the "Others," Ben made me cringe, but he's kind of grown on me; he's always got a plan and it's interesting to see what he will come up with.

Even before I knew he was the leader of the “Others,” Ben made me cringe, but he’s kind of grown on me; he’s always got a plan and it’s interesting to see what he will come up with.

Even weak-chinned Ben Linus has grown on me.  Yes, he is evil and manipulative, but he is always interesting, especially when he breaks out of his sociopath mode.

John Locke is a pendulum, unsure if he is born leader destined to for greatness, or a small-minded pathetic middle-aged man with no life.  Which way will he ultimately swing?

And how in the world did Sayyid Jarrah end up becoming Ben’s on-call assassin?

But it’s not just the people. I’m also compelled to the couch by the ready availability of the next episode.  We can stay in this world for as long as we want to.  A summer of re-runs won’t break the fictional spell.  If I had watched Lost as a “weekly” event, I would have quit watching after season 4, when only 14 episodes were made.  I know that if I had to wait weeks and months for the next episode, I would lose interest, find other things to do.  In general, I don’t watch a lot of TV, so after a while I would forget to turn the set on.

Television bingeing, I’ve realized, provides good fodder for family conversations. Sure, we could talk about politics or the Russian invasion of Crimea, but those conversations wouldn’t be as rich, or last as long. With Lost, we have this entire world to gossip about, without hurting anyone’s feelings.

We have endless conversations about the most “killable” characters, those who might die in the next season.  Sawyer, we’ve decided is killable, since he has no family and little to go back to. But I hope he survives, although I don’t know what will become of him if he leaves the island.  He’s grown so much during these months on the island.  I doubt that he wants to return to his con-man lifestyle after all he’s been through, but he only has an 8th grade education and no professional skills.  What will be he do back home?

Now, as spring calls us out of hibernation (although it did snow on April 16), we are immersed in season five.  The Oceanic Six are home.  Ben says they have to return to the island to save the others.  The plot has become more and more far-fetched.  It feels a bit like nobody expected the show to last this long and the writers were just trying to keep it going for the ratings, but I don’t care.

I think Jack Shephard will pull it together and do whatever it is the writers want him to accomplish in Season 6.

I think Jack Shephard will pull it together and do whatever it is the writers want him to accomplish in Season 6.

I want Sawyer to know that Kate is alive and well, that his large friend Hurley may live in an alternate reality but is still the same sweet Hurley.  I want somebody to find Claire and reunite her with her baby Aaron, even if doing so breaks Kate’s heart. I want Charlie to come back from the dead.

But bingeing is full of sweet sorrow.  I know it won’t last.  The series will end. Now that we are in season five, every episode feels like a small death.

From this point forward, we’re going to stretch out our viewing.  If we get a rainy Saturday, we are NOT going to watch three episodes.  Maybe just two.  After season five, The Seal (my son) wants to take a two-week break before season starting season six, so that the end doesn’t come too soon.

When we’ve finished the final episode, we’ll emerge from the family room and blink in the bright sun of May.  I’ll feel a bit wrung out, but the intensity of my relationship with these people will fade over time.  It will be a while – probably next fall – before I start something new, as I’ve learned that in bingeing, I have to let the intensity diminish before watching another series.

Next up  in our lineup is The Seal’s choice, The Walking Dead, a zombie apocalypse series now wrapping up its fourth season (about 64 episodes, with another 16 to come next year). I could be wrong, but I don’t see myself falling hard for zombies.

That’s okay, I’ll be on the rebound.  I’m looking forward to starting something serious, maybe next winter, with the 62 episodes of Breaking Bad.  I could use a fling in between.

March Madness: Torture by Thin Mint

Posted on by
Reply
It's March and that means it is Thin Mint season.

It’s March and that means Thin Mint season.

Girl Scouts are scarce back here in the woods, but last week I scored a case of Thin Mints after following a trail of crumbs on social media.  I met up with Heather in a parking lot behind the local school (not a mint-free zone), forked over the cash, and brought my stash home.

Now those Thin Mints are torturing me.  Their chocolate sugary goodness are the perfect complement to morning coffee.  The refreshing mint cleanses the palate after lunch or supper.  These small treats fit the bill for a late night dessert if I am craving something sweet.

But I will not eat them.

I have already fallen off the bandwagon on caffeine, gluten, dairy and alcohol.  I will not give in to sugar, even in Thin Mints.

I bought my Thin Mints for tradition. It’s March.  For almost fifty years, I have eaten Thin Mints in March, the peak of the Girl Scout cookie-sales season.   For most of his entire life, my son has eaten Thin Mints in March.  We have our traditions and must maintain them  –even if doing so means several weeks of torture by Thin Mint as the supply steadily diminishes.

I have sworn off Thin Mints as follow-up to a “whole foods cleanse” I recently completed.   I wanted to shake things up with my eating habits.  Maybe lose a few of the pounds that stealthily creep on year after year.  Learn some new tricks that might help me to sleep better and feel more energetic.  In doing so, I might eliminate all the fun in life, but maybe I could take up gambling.  Somebody’s got to support all those new casinos opening in New England this year.

Although my husband says the color is unappetizing, this chocolate-y protein-packed smoothie filled me up during my week long cleanse. No sugar, dairy, or other evils. And it is delicious! For the recipe, see the bottom of the post.

Although my husband says the color is unappetizing, this chocolate-y protein-packed almond-milk smoothie filled me up during my week long cleanse. No sugar, dairy, or other evils. And it is delicious!

Except for the caffeine piece, the whole foods cleanse seemed reasonable:  Follow a whole-foods diet for a week, with a focus on eating more fruits and veggies. No gluten, dairy, alcohol, sugar or caffeine.  No processed foods.  After a week, I could start adding foods back in.

The idea behind the cleanse isn’t to transform everyone into gluten-free teetotalers, but to eliminate toxins from the body and nudge participants into making small changes in diet over time.  Not necessarily to become gluten-free, but to eat less bread and pasta, and more veggies.   Not to permanently swear off Greek yogurt, but to move away from dairy as the only way to dress up coffee or cereal.

Completing the week-long cleanse was easier than I thought.  The biggest challenge was giving up coffee.  I slowly had been moving towards eating less bread and pasta anyway, and had replaced milk, for the most part, with almond milk.   And although I love a daily glass of red wine, I’d been having trouble sleeping for a long time, and my doctor suggested trying to skip the evening wine.  Instead, I’d switched to a nightly wine glass filled with tart cherry juice, which my doc said might help me sleep better.

During the week, I felt tired in the morning from lack of coffee. By evening, however, I usually felt more energetic than usual.

Although I am inclined to be a skeptic about the health claims of various programs and diets, I think I benefited from the completing the cleanse.  I am not waking up at 3 a.m. and tossing and turning until 6.  And although I’m again drinking my morning coffee, I’m now only dabbling in gluten, dairy, and alcohol (which is kind of the point).

However, after finishing the cleanse, I decided to more or less permanently give up sweets and sugar, except as a very rare treat.  No more afternoon cookies or the occasional doughnut. The Hershey Kisses in the closet would go in the trash.  The cleanse taught me that I don’t really crave sugar. I don’t need it, the way I need my coffee.

But Thin Mints–they are small.  They are a treat.  They call to me.

Each day, I pack two or three into my son’s lunch box.  If you know that middle-age means a barren existence of no Thin Mints, it’s best to make sure your child gets to eat them now.

Glaciers will melt and sea levels will rise. Wars may be fought for oil.  China may call in its loans to the U.S. government and the economy may collapse.  But at least my child will have memories of Thin Mints.

Perhaps it would be better to have no memory of Thin Mints at all, than to be tortured by the memory of their minty sweetness.

Perhaps eating Thin Mints would make a better memory than one of being tortured by the memory of eating Thin Mints.

Do I want to live in a world where my relationship with Thin Mints ends with the memory of torture by Thin Mint?

It’s the end of March.  A nor’easter is on a path to hit the coast with several inches of snow.

I’m going to make a caffeine-gluten-sugar-dairy-alcohol-free smoothie and consider my options.

Another benefit of ordering a case of Thin Mints is that your cat gets a new box to add some excitement to his dull house-bound life.

Another benefit of ordering a case of Thin Mints is that your cat gets a new box to add some excitement to his dull house-bound life.

P.S.

I completed my whole foods cleanse with the guidance of health coach Kate Kennington at GLOW Body Work.

This recipe for a Raw Banana Cacao Breakfast shake is sweet, filling, and full of protein.  The key ingredient is the cacao.  Bananas can be fresh or frozen, and you omit or add the dates as you wish.  You can also add protein powder for more protein.

Chia seeds, which apparently are full of omega 3s and other good stuff, swell up and create a sort of pudding when they are soaked, so I think including them in the smoothie contributes to a feeling of fullness.